With 45 years of care, understanding and change, MSH is an open door, a hand, and an advocate for survivors of intimate partner violence in South Carolina’s Charleston, Dorchester and Berkeley Counties.
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, threats, and emotional/psychological abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence varies dramatically.
(National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)
Psychological abuse may look like:
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Calling you names, insulting you or continually criticizing you
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Refusing to trust you and acting jealous or possessive
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Trying to isolate you from family or friends
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Monitoring where you go, who you call and who you spend time with
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Demanding to know where you are every minute
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Trapping you in your home or preventing you from leaving
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Using weapons to threaten to hurt you
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Punishing you by withholding affection
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Threatening to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets
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Damaging your property when they're angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
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Gas lighting
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Humiliating you in any way
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Blaming you for the abuse
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Accusing you of cheating and being often jealous of your outside relationships
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Serially cheating on you and then blaming you for their behavior
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Cheating on you intentionally to hurt you and then threatening to cheat again
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Cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc. than you are
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Attempting to control your appearance: what you wear, how much/little makeup you wear, etc.
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Telling you that you will never find anyone better, or that you are lucky to be with a person like them
Physical abuse may look like:
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Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking
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Forbidding you from eating or sleeping
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Hurting you with weapons
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Preventing you from calling the police or seeking medical attention
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Harming your children
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Abandoning you in unfamiliar places
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Driving recklessly or dangerously when you are in the car with them
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Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol (especially if you’ve had a substance abuse problem in the past)
Sexual abuse may look like:
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Forcing you to dress in a sexual way
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Insulting you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names
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Forcing or manipulating you into to having sex or performing sexual acts
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Holding you down during sex
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Demanding sex when you’re sick, tired or after hurting you
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Hurting you with weapons or objects during sex
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Involving other people in sexual activities with you against your will
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Ignoring your feelings regarding sex
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Forcing you to watch pornography
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Purposefully trying to pass on a sexually transmitted disease to you
Sexual coercion may look like:
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Making you feel like you owe them — ex. Because you’re in a relationship, because you’ve had sex before, because they spent money on you or bought you a gift
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Giving you drugs and alcohol to “loosen up” your inhibitions​
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Playing on the fact that you’re in a relationship, saying things such as: “Sex is the way to prove your love for me,” “If I don’t get sex from you I’ll get it somewhere else”
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Reacting negatively with sadness, anger or resentment if you say no or don’t immediately agree to something
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Continuing to pressure you after you say no
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Making you feel threatened or afraid of what might happen if you say no
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Trying to normalize their sexual expectations: ex. “I need it, I’m a man”
Reproductive abuse may look like:
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Refusing to use birth control
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Breaking or removing a condom during intercourse
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Lying about their methods of birth control
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Not allowing use of birth control or sabotaging birth control method
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Withholding finances needed to purchase birth control
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Monitoring your menstrual cycles
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Forcing pregnancy and not supporting your decision about when or if you want to have a child
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Forcing you to get an abortion, or preventing you from getting one
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Threatening you or acting violent if you don’t comply with their wishes to either end or continue a pregnancy
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Continually keeping you pregnant
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Pressure, guilt and shame from an abusive partner (ie. constantly talking about having children or making you feel guilty for not having or wanting children with them — especially if you already have kids with someone else)
Financial abuse may look like:
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Giving an allowance/closely watching how you spend it or demanding receipts for purchases
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Placing your paycheck in their bank account and denying you access to it
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Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours that you can work
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Maxing out credit cards in your name without permission or not paying the bills on credit cards, which could ruin your credit score
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Stealing money from you or your family and friends
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Using funds from children’s savings accounts without your permission
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Living in your home, but refusing to work or contribute to the household
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Making you give them your tax returns/confiscating joint returns
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Refusing to give you money to pay for necessities/shared expenses like food, clothing, transportation, or medical care and medicine
Digital abuse may look like:
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Controls who you are friends with/follow on social media
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Sends you negative, insulting or even threatening emails or messages online
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Uses sites to keep constant tabs on you
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Puts you down in their status updates
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Sends you unwanted, explicit pictures and pressures or demands you send in return
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Steals or insists on being given your passwords
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Constantly texts you and makes you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone for fear that you will be punished
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Looks through your phone frequently, checks up on your pictures, texts and outgoing calls
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Uses any kind of technology (such spyware or GPS in a car or on a phone) to monitor you