Domestic Violence

Profile of an Abuser

• Pushes for quick involvement. Claims "love at first sight," and pressures for committment.
• If male, believes in stereotyped gender roles and male supremacy. Dominates partner, requires conformity to traditional roles.
• Blames victim for "provoking" abuse.
• Abusive in past relationships. Abuse is not situational, it carries over from one relationship to the next.
• Very jealous and possessive. Isolates victim from friends and family. Accuses victim of flirting, infidelity. May refuse to let victim work.
• Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. HydeÑothers see abuser as a good partner and parent; behind closed doors, abuser is abusive, angry and aggressive.
• Experiences most emotions in the form of anger. Difficulty in communicating other emotions. Expresses anger with aggression.
• Violent temper, may include hitting or throwing objects.
• Uses sex as a form of aggression. Sex is imposed rather than mutual.
• Has low self-esteem. May have been abused or witnessed abuse as a child.
• Dependent on victim for all emotional needs, blames others for own feelings. Unrealistic expectations of relationship.
• Easily insulted, takes small setbacks as personal attacks. Hypersensitive. Is always right.
• Cruel to animals and/or children. Punishes them brutally, has unrealistic expectations of their abilities, insensitive to their suffering.
• Quickly changing moods. Charming one minute, abusive the next. Depressed.
• Checks up on victim's whereabouts, activities, spending, etc. Claims to be concerned for victim's safety, but intent is to monitor behavior and control decisions.
• Minimizes the seriousness of abuse.

• Doesn't like herself; tries to justify the batterer's behavior. Low self-esteem, places little importance on her own feelings and needs.
• Difficult to set limits for herself, feels that she needs to be "Superwoman" to keep abuser happy.
• Believes abuser will change; is controlled by the abuser.
• Blames self for abuser's actions; attempts to change own actions to control the violence. Feels responsible for abuse. Guilt.
• Isolated and kept away from friends and family, or resources for help. May also withdraw from people because of feelings of shame or embarrassment.
• Denies the extent of the problem in order to survive; generally suppresses anger because it is too dangerous.
• Helplessness. This feeling is reinforced if victim tries to leave abuser and fails.
• Learned that society condones violence against women either in childhood home or in later attempts to get help.